Conversations with Mom
Jan 7 2022
I had a phone conversation with Mom that was very different from other recent conversations. First of all, it was an actual conversation. Lately it has basically been me asking questions and Mom answering either yes, no or I don't remember.
First we talked about the normal stuff like weather and I asked how she is feeling. ( She usually answers "Woozy." She told me that she was feeling pretty good (better than recently)
Mom told me that she got some bad news yesterday.
She said, “They don't think that I will get well. That I won’t leave here.”
Even though we have talked about hospice, this was the first time that dying instead of getting well was actually discussed..
I said “Really? They don’t think that your body is healing? How do you feel about this?”
She said, “How do YOU feel about this?”
I said that I have mixed emotions. I said that of course I want you to stay forever but I am thankful that you told me that you’d live until you are 95 and you kept your promise. I have totally enjoyed your and mine relationship.”
I asked what her body is telling her. “Does your body feel like it’s healing or giving out?
She thought for a moment and said…”I think it’s giving out.”
We went on to talk about getting closer to dying…
I said, “The closer you get to death, I wonder if you’ll have any vivid dreams about heaven or Dad or Jesus …. I’ve had a couple dreams about heaven and they were wonderful.”
She replied that yes, if that happens I will tell you about it. (I kind of sensed anticipation in her voice)
Then she said “oh oh, I think something is happening down there. I asked if she needed to go to the bathroom and she answered yes. I told her that I’ll talk to her later.
We ended the conversation with me saying “Bye, I love you.” She answered, “Love you more.”
January 9, 2022
I had another short conversation with Mom. She's feeling pretty good today. Yesterday she slept most of the day but today her aide has her up in the wheelchair.
I told her that I will be in to see her tomorrow morning. I asked if there is anything that I can bring her. She answered: "Time....but I suppose we don't need that."
